STRAWBERRY TOP VODKA

Strawberry Top Vodka / Wit & VinegarYes you possibly read that right. We’re taking what we’d normally just throw in the trash and use it to infuse some vodka, like a more mature, creative Captain Planet.

Please don’t hate me but I got this idea from one of those extra long pins on pinterest with different ways to infuse your water so you actually want to drink it (pro tip: just be an adult and drink your water so u don’t die of dehydration!). Then I was like wait, what if I just put strawberry tops in vodka instead would that get me to drink more vodka let’s try it.

Strawberry Top Vodka / Wit & VinegarI’d successfully done it a few years ago with strawberries and rhubarb and it was so perfect so the other day when I used up a pound of strawberries I took the pile of strawberry tops that are usually trash bound like half the people on MTV and put them in some vodka. Flash forward two days and I had the nicest blush colored vodka with the perfect hint of strawberry that’s low enough where it doesn’t make me feel like I’m downing a wine cooler.

And look at that bonus drink! Clink Clinks are gonna come back this summer and I’m stoked about it. This bebe if you haven’t calculated already is just a strawberry top vodka twist on the classic moscow mule and doing that little twist means that you and I can drink it in whatever glass I want without the asshole drink police telling me I should be using a $20 copper mug (insert sunglass wearing emoji).

Strawberry Top Vodka / Wit & Vinegar

Also bonus is the new fun thing I’ve been working on over at a new site called Nom. Twice a week (wed and fri at 9:30am pst) I go live and make food for your pretty faces and chat live with you and answer any questions. The thing that I really love about all of it is that after the nomcast is done streaming it’s archived so you can watch it whenever you want, 100 times a day. Clink the link up there and subscribe if you want to be alerted/reminded when the nomcasts are going live so you can watch and ask me questions about food, or boys, and spoiler alert: tomorrow’s nomcast is all about infusing vodka with fruit. BEYOND THE STRAWBERRY TOP.

Go out rn, buy a pound of strawberries and start your strawberry top vodka so that come friday you can TGIF ur life.

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HOW TO BE A BASIC: THE MARSHMALLOW

smoresmethodpatternIt’s just one month until summer begins which means it’s time to step your marshmallow game UP.

We all know that when it’s time for s’mores you head to the store and grab a big bag of those giant marshmallows, burn them up, and smash them between some graham cracker and chocolate. OR you can be like me and put them into a popsicle. If you really want to impress people though, you make these basic vanilla marshmallows and watch people go ramona eyes because homemade > storebought in the battle that is marshmallow.

How To Be A Basic: The MarshmallowThis timing for marshmallow season is even more perfect  because the kool kids over at method home are working on a #fearnomess campaign where they asked a bunch of people to create something in the home/kitchen that involves a mess but girl don’t be scared because their soap can take care of business. Now, MTV True Life: I only work with brands I actually use/appreciate, and this couldn’t be more true with method. Before they even approached me I could’ve easily gone under my sink and pulled out the giant refill bags of the Sea Mineral scent because that stuff is life. I love the way their soap cleans and it doesn’t hurt that their products are biodegradable and made from recycled materials.

How To Be A Basic: The MarshmallowAs soon as I saw that it was a fear no mess campaign and they wanted me to make something messy I was like, stop talking, I’m making marshmallows. Because if there’s anything more messy than marshmallows that’s not the bowl of melted butter I dropped one time then I want to know about it.

If you’ve ever made marshmallows before you know what I’m talking about. By the time these are done there’s marshmallow everywhere and just when you think you’ve cleaned it up you find more.

It’s the glitter of the culinary world.

How To Be A Basic: The MarshmallowBUT, it’s totally worth it you guys. Homemade marshmallows are just fluffier but somehow more firm and there’s actual flavor in them, more than just, well, sugar.

And then even better news is once you get them down pat you can easily customize them with whatever you want by replacing some of the water with juice or adding peppermint extract or freeze dried berries or matcha. Just figure all that out now so when it comes time for summer s’mores you can Beyoncé that campfire party.

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BANOFFEE BIRTHDAY CAKE

Banoffee Birthday Cake // Wit & VinegarHappy Birthday to you if it’s your birthday because it’s not mine or anyone that I know but I made this birthday cake and it’s too dangerous to have in the house with just me because I’ll eat it it all I just made it for my food blog, A Memoir.

Yes, I know this isn’t a classic birthday cake with the fudge frosting so maybe you’re an enraged Lisa Rinna that just doesn’t understand, but Tessa Huff wrote a book called Layered and you’re encouraged to mix and match. That means I took the yellow butter cake from the classic birthday cake and ran as far as I could with it.

I’m not used to running far distances though so I made it as far as Banoffee, aka filling combo from her tiramisu banoffee cake and the classic swiss meringue buttercream that I spiked with dulce de leche.

Banoffee Birthday Cake // WIt & VinegarOf course, you could go the classic route with fudge frosting, My girl Adrianna has you covered, but I like the idea of sort of switching it up. You could even go splitsies and use the fudge frosting because bananas and dulce de leche are also lovers with the chocolate.

That’s the thing that I love about Tessa’s book though, it’s all so approachable and the idea that you can mix and match is so great because there’s already 40 great cakes that could probably now be like 5,000 or a smaller number if I was better at math.

Banoffee Birthday Cake // Wit & VinegarI’ve been a long time fan of Tessa’s amazing instagram and blog so as soon as I saw she was making a book it was an instant yas please show me your ways. The book not only has a bunch of beautiful and creative cakes but also carries a whole bunch of techniques for decorating ranging from ambitious to super simple for lazy/incapable bitches like me.

If you know of anyone that likes baking buy them this book, then bookmark all the cakes you’d suggest for your birthday or just a regular thursday where we need the cakes to make it through to Friday.

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ROSÉ-SOAKED STRAWBERRY SHORTCAKE

shortcaketextThings I’m currently excited about:

Spring Sprunging Everywhere
Asparagus
RHOBH almost being over so I don’t have to listen to Lisa Rinna’s lips
RuPaul’s Drag Race (team Naomi/Thorgy/KimChi)
This shortcake sitaution

I might be most excited about this shortcake situation because that means there’s wine in my food which means I get to go hang out with my girl Whitney on her youtube channel and shoot the opening to our possible Japenese game show, wine in your food.

If you don’t already follow Whitney across the board you should def do that. Her snapchat (ubriaca) is so so funny, and her youtube videos are both educational and funny, a combo we can all use more of.

shortcake-1The last time we made a video together I made a quick simple ragu and then did my best impression of a deer in the headlights for 4 minutes. This time around we’re going the dessert route with strawberries because they’re everywhere right now, on sale, and maybe not the sweetest, which is perfect for a little rosé soak maceration.

The best partner for a macerated strawberry is either some ice cream, orrr a shortcake, maybe some yogurt if you want wine in your breakfast no judgement. Usually with shortcake it’s a biscuit situation that sort of sandwiches some strawberries and cream, or if you’re from the store bought childhood it means those little sponge cakes or slices of pound cake topped with strawberries and reddi whip, represent.

strawberry-dotsEven though the biscuit/scone story is v classic it usually yields something that makes me want way more strawberry and whipped cream action. All that biscuit usually makes everything a little dry for me, enter a like things wet joke here.

This cake that we’re going with now is kind of the perfect thing for shortcake. It’s a little dry, but not too much, and not very sweet so it has a chance to soak up all the fruit juices and become this perfect marriage.

I’ve also opted to go the triflin’ route because baby shortcake trifles are the cutest, and it lets me use up all my drinking glasses that fill up one cupboard because I’m a psycho. You could really use any vessel you want, but you get bonus points if the bottom resembles a stripper lucite platform heel.

Of course this could also be made into the original setup with a slice of cake and a mountain each of strawberries and whipped cream. You live your life, you do you.

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WHEAT-FREE DOGGY CAKE

nomiandcakeI’ve officially turned into one of those people that makes a birthday cake for their dog.

Part of it is because I’m a blogger that needs content but a bigger part of it is that I love my dogs on that level that’s a few notches down from putting their face on a t-shirt or letting them eat out of mouth.

That’s called boundaries and self respect.

doggycakegridToday’s cake happens to be for Nomi, aka accepts frozen mango as treats aka mrs. steal yo’ pillow aka has paws that look just like furry kitten heels Mariah Carey would wear. I love this dog so so much because she is v crazy v cute and v sweet, just like me.

Also maybe it seems like a lot to make your dog a cake, but when I compare it to the money we spend on special dog food for her allergies or that one time we took her to the vet at 1 in the morning because she wasn’t eating to find out she just had irregular gas patterns (bitch just literally had gas) making a cake and frosting it in way under an hour seems like a walk in the park. But like a walk in the park without her because sometimes she gets way too excited to see anything else that moves.

nomiandcake2Obviously this is just a once a year treat, twice if you’re like me with two dogs, six on a ranch if you’re my dream, so it’s not a big deal that it might have some extra calories. There’s no dairy in the actual cake itself, and the flour is brown rice flour so it’s wheat free which is almost always a good thing with a lot of dogs.

And if cake isn’t your dog’s thing then I’ve got you covered with frozen yogurt and dog treats.

But like, we know no dog says no to cake.

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HOW TO BE A BASIC: THE DEVILED EGG

deviledeggnosquareIf there’s anything that turns me into a human vacuum more than banana bread, it’s deviled eggs. Because I’m a human garbage can with zero self control.

That’s why deviled eggs rarely happen because I will tip that tray back and let the mayo yolk egg combo fly. Banana bread though, that’s a weekly occurrence, because it’s got fruit with the stick of butter so it’s basically a fruit salad.

eggshellsI was going to go all out with a crazy deviled egg for the easter celebrations but then I realized it’s the perfect thing for the how to be a basic series because everyone needs a basic deviled egg recipe to go off of, and if you’re really feeling like a freak then I’ve got you covered with some of my favorite variations from all over the internets.

Before we can talk about the deviled part though we need to talk about the egg shaped elephant in the room: the hard boiled egg aka just kidding stop boiling your eggs and steam them. Genius J. Kenji López-Alt over at Serious Eats wrote all about it and as soon as I saw it with pretty much all positive comments I said yas and went for it, using that pasta colander insert thing for my stockpot and they came out perfectly. There’s way less water used, and way less time needed to steam the eggs so that means the train to deviled egg junction/my mouth is leaving earlier than expected. It’s the only way I’m cooking my eggs in their shell forever and always.

deviled-egg-patternSince we’ve locked down the cooking method we can move onto the actual deviling, where we get a little crazy and push our egg yolks through a fine mesh sieve to ensure proper silkiness. When I first read it I was like, okay, that’s almost team too much, but it happened once and has happened ever since. In the grand scheme of things it really doesn’t take much effort and it’s a lot smoother/fluffier than if you just use a fork. Then to make them deviled we use good mayo, a little yellow mustard, a little acid in the form of pepperoncini or pickle juice and some salt and pepper. Boom, done, basic.

To finish them up you get a little extra cute and pipe the filling back into the white and top it with smoked paprika, for two reasons: to let everyone know this is some real classic deviled egg shit, and also because yes that paprika is smoked and it gives everyone some bacon vibes without actually using the bacon. Magic.

Now, if you wanna go above and beyond, check these bebes out:

Adrianna went and pickled/dyed twofer combo-ed her eggs in some crazy gorgeous natural things. I love the cabbage one that gives me 90s barbie lipstick and the old bae in the filling.

Brandon is creating a beautiful masterpiece: mustard deviled eggs with CRISPY CHICKEN SKIN, but please jesus don’t let Steve find out because that is his dream everything and I will not get to eat any if I make them.

Stephanie went for a Jalapeño Popper spin, which is so genius and perfect for me when I was in high school and loved jack in the box jalapeño poppers but also perfect for me right now because I will love jalapeño poppers in any form for eternity.

Megan went and made cobb salad deviled eggs which, hello, SALAD HEALTH FOOD TAKE ALL MY MONEY.

And Alana went the no mayo with tobasco and fennel route which is probably punishable in some states but this is a safe space. I love the kick of the tobasco, and that crispy fennel on top? Done, I’m finished.

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