If I were magical and I didn’t have to worry about the size of my pants increasing tenfold, I would eat pizza every day.

Forever.

Growing up, I never had homemade pizza. It was either frozen or from the surprisingly good local pizza place. (Goldmine Pizza!!) It was usually pepperoni, cheese, combo, or sometimes an insane meat explosion that even Noah couldn’t have supplied enough animals for.

At said pizza place above, is where I first had BBQ Chicken Pizza and those topping options are probably my top picks for pizza face stuffing.

As of lately I haven’t had the opportunity to think far enough ahead to make the dough myself, so I buy a good quality pre-made dough from the supermarket and pile high with toppings. If you want to make the dough yourself, and have an extra hour, this recipe should do the trick. Make it into a perfect circle like I did in the picture, on a greased  or lightly sprinkled with cornmeal baking sheet.

Top with:
Your favorite BBQ Sauce.
Mozzerella Cheese
A handful of corn. I use defrosted sweet corn, but in the summer, nothing beats fresh corn.
some chicken, grilled or from rotisserie, or pulled pork. just do it. don’t ask questions.
sliced mushrooms
(in a perfect world where I don’t have to share the pizza with anyone) sliced olives
a sprinkling of sesame seeds
and the kicker – cilantro. as much as you want. so, a lot. just do it. don’t ask questions.

Follow the directions on the pizza dough you got, and bake to golden gooey perfection.

Also, get ready for some blog facelift realness. I’m working on a little redesign with some new posts. that aren’t food.

Also, find me on Facebook, Pinterest, and Instagram. Which are currently updated way more than this blog. For now.

Also, if you feel up to it, head over to the Kitchn and vote for Wit & Vinegar for the recipes section in the 2012 Homies I would greatly appreciate it. I doubt I’ll win against the big guns, but who doesn’t love a little exposure?

At least it won’t be accidental.

I’m looking at you J-Lo. And your exposed Oscars nipple.

I realize some people probably thought I died. or ran away.

Neither of those happened. And I doubt anyone was thinking anything of my absence, but I’m back.

Hopefully regularly, but there’s a process of moving, and evil school that might want to get in the way.

A couple of months ago I acquired an iPhone. I was doubting the fact that I needed one. I felt like an old person the first few days not being able to figure anything out. I’m still learning random things.

One of those things is Instagram. I’ve known it exists, but it wasn’t until my great friend Jen started posting from her newly acquired iPhone that I jumped on the bandwagon. I have to say, it’s pretty fantastic. I want to start posting some quick bits of info, once a week about whatever I feel inclined to sharing, mainly about food or clothing or a painting that involves an old lady with a case of the babyhand, and hopefully include a quick recipe for something easy. This week, it’s homemade tortilla chips. From flour tortillas. That are baked. And easy as cutting up tortillas and baking them. Duh.

It’s Superbowl weekend, and I could care less about who’s playing. When we we had a question in my journalism class pertaining to this subject I asked myself why she couldn’t ask us about Beyonce. But I would still consider throwing a party to watch the commercials. If you see this before the big game/commercial extravaganza, you can have something to impress your guests with. Or if you don’t want to go too Martha Stewart, you can make them this hummus, or this hummus, or make them some guacamole to put on their less superior chips or HOT DOGS. Aaaaand, just in case all that’s not enough, I’ve gathered up a few more game day treats for you:

Pretzel Dogs Anyone? I’m thinking every day of the week. (via Joy the Baker)
Buffalo Chicken Dip – cheese, hot sauce, and chicken. Everywhere. (via Ezra Pound Cake)
Potato Chip Madness – basically potato chips, topped with cheese and spices, and baked in the oven. (via The Bitten Word)

or you can grill up some turkey burger sliders, make a load of pizza, or buy a couple loaves of french bread, carefully slice it open and fill with meat, top with cheese, and broil for a minute or two then top with all kinds of veggies. or you can make these homemade tortilla chips:

Homemade Tortilla Chips
Makes how ever many your little heart desires.

Take some taco size flour tortillas (8″) and cut into 8 wedges.
Grab your biggest baking sheet and arrange in a single layer. NO OVERLAPPING ALLOWED.
Give a quick spray of vegetable oil, just enough for the spices to stick, and top with said spices.
A quick personal preference – kosher salt, pepper, and garlic powder. Taco Seasoning would also be delicious. Bake in batches for 8 min at 350 degrees. SHAZAMM! Tortilla chips.
They might not seem 100% crispy at first. Give em a couple of min to cool and they’ll crisp right up.

Beyond all that, if you want to follow me on Instagram, my username is witandvinegar, and if you don’t have an iPhone, or think you’re too cool for Instagram, you can check out all my pictures here.

Also you should check me out on Facebook. and Pinterest.

Also last side note, I’ve been listening to the Lady Gaga Station on Pandora for about 30 min. It’s awful, don’t do that to yourself. Try the Company of Thieves Station, or GROUPLOVE’s. You’ve been warned.

2011 was a whirlwind of a year. It’s almost as if Jesus was TiVo-ing through my life to get the newest episode of Real Housewives of whatever city might have dramatic middle-aged women.

I would probably do the same thing.

So much happened this year. Soo So much. Let’s have a quick review:

After much talk, there were dinner parties to be had amongst a great group of friends that involved food and cocktails for days. Awesome late night BBQ’s, fanciness that included tipsy Scatergories, summer river picnics, and small gatherings involving a lot of venting about school and life and plans for the real world. It looked something like this:

Along with all that excitement, I also got to spend an entire year, start to finish, with this hot mess:

There was a zoo, some hiking, Florence + the Machine, front row at Two Door Cinema Club & GROUPLOVE,  Mexican flea markets, road trips, and of course the introduction to cotija cheese. He makes me a happy man, even when he decides to show off his tamale making skills to the facebook world.

Mine is the prettier one on the right.

On top of all that there was the re-birthing of this blog, that continues in the inconsistent posting, I started a new job, and much more that I know I’m forgetting.

And for 2012 I know for sure:

-I’m moving into a new house in a couple of months.
-Friends be gettin’ married!
-Fingers crossed Mexico trip this summer so my fragile skin can explode.
-My sister’s graduating High School.
-Aaaaaand I’ll finally be starting up my final year of college, ohmygosh you don’t even know.

So far 2012’s been pretty good. I had turkey burger sliders last night with Sriracha Lime Mayo (recipe to come) for my first dinner and I made you all some hot fudge sauce, because it’s easy and versatile and if you go out and make eclairs or a cake, you can use it as a ganache. We’ll call it ninja sauce.

Goodbye 2011, Hello 2012.
You’re lookin’ pretty good.

and just in case you can’t read that recipe, there’s a less dapper version after the jump.

Ninja Sauce

6 oz good chocolate, roughly one cup chopped
good quality chocolate chips are perfect if you’re in a pinch

1/4 c heavy cream

1 T butter

Splash of vanilla, about 1/4 tsp.

Optional add-ins: splash of peppermint extract,
1/2 tsp espresso powder or 1/2 tsp orange zest

Combine everything in a heavy glass measuring cup.
Zap in the microwave for 30 sec. Stir, then for 15 more.
Let sit for about a min. And let the residual heat finish
Melting the chocolate. Pour over ice cream,
or use to top eclairs or cakes.

Bad News & Good News again. This is real life people.

The Bad News:
Finals are happening, and I work retail that requires me to greatly increase my availability.

Out of thin air.

The Good News:
I do suppose this means more money to buy my sneaky bitch of an amazing boyfriend, that’s already started playing Santa Claus, presents for Christmas.

But still, it makes for some long days.

But still, I know he’ll appreciate anything I give him. + this means a little extra money to buy myself a pair of shoes or something.

More good news:
I made everyone something awesome.
Like, awesome enough to make me proud that it came from the depths of this brain of mine.
God bless the person that’s up in there trying to organize it all.

True Story: I’ve attempted basil pesto before.
Several times.
They’ve mostly been expensive crash and burns.
Then I read about herb/pine nut alternatives and I was like, whoaa.

Then I was thinking:
What do I have a current obsession with? Cilantro.
What can use as an alternative to pine nuts? I’ve heard walnuts.
What about the Parmesan? Cotija. Duh.
I was crumbling it down one day and realized it would be the perfect alternative to Parmesan in a pesto.

Let me tell you about this salty goodness. It’s a Mexican cheese that’s almost like a mix between Parmesan and Feta, and it’s amazing. (You can find it with the chorizo and other refrigerated Mexican food items. Most stores have it, and I recommend the brand El Mexicano.) I think Steve regrets telling me about this because I try to put in everything and it makes him cringe. When I told him there was pasta in the fridge, and extra Cotija to put on top, he told me he didn’t know about that. I told him to shut up and eat it.

And that’s how Cilantro Cotija Pesto was born.

Literally, like I carried around an idea in my head of a womb for a couple of weeks then birthed it into awesomeness.

I’m going to save you all the fierceness of photoshop, as shown in this post.

You’re welcome.

Cilantro Cotija Pesto
 makes enough to cover a pound of pasta

1 1/2 c cilantro, you can include some stem if you want
1/4 c walnuts
2/3 c crumbled Cotija
i clove of garlic, minced or grated
juice of half a lime, totally optional, but it adds a nice zing.
a few grinds of pepper
noo salt

1/3 c olive oil

throw everything except the oil into the bowl of a food processor and pulse until nicely combined, this will take several pulses.

Now, with the processor running, veeerrrry slowly drizzle in the olive oil, so that it all comes together in a bit of creaminess.

Now you have pesto.

If you want to do what I did, boil up a pound of penne, grill a pound of chicken, and crumble some  extra Cotija. Save about a third of a cup of the pasta water before you drain and add it back when you go to toss the pasta with the pesto. Place in some bowls and top with that extra Cotija. Dinner is served.

Thanksgiving 2011 has come and gone.

Let me just say: Holy Food, Batman/Things didn’t totally go as planned, Batman.

I’m sorry Christian Bale Batman, please don’t yell at me like you did at that one guy.

Good news, most of the food was good:

Turkey, amazing mashed potatoes, addicting pumpkin cheesecake, Steve had a secretive apple pie and mac and cheese, there was beer, my roommate said my sweet potatoes were amazing, great gravy, and green bean casserole, from cans-don’t ever try it another way howdareyou.

Bad news, some food was not so good:

Gooey stuffing that had a little love affair with turkey stock, Rolls: Did not happen. Funny story – I assumed that when the frozen dinner rolls you buy say “keep frozen until ready to use” they can go straight from freezer to oven. Wrong. Ready to use means ready to wait 3-5 hours to thaw and rise. Got that? I just saved your Christmas/Winter Holiday dinner.

Also I managed to break only one bowl and have a bottle of cranberry juice fall out of the fridge and explode on the floor.

Here’s where I curtsy.

And tell you notes for a successful thanksgiving:

• Thoroughly read directions on frozen dinner roll packages. Or no dinner rolls for you.
• Take it easy with the turkey stock in the stuffing.
• Drink at least one beer while preparing the meal.
• Listen to good music.
• Don’t freak out – something I need to work on.
• Clean the house not on the same day.
• Wear cool aprons. I need to show you all mine.
• Shoot for an hour before you tell everyone to get there. You’ll need it.
• Start cooking earlier than 12:30.
• Make cheesecake and apple pie the day before, maybe even the mashed potatoes, and the stuffing.
• Throw up some cool lights or a nice tablecloth to make not eating at a table because it’s too small a cool thing.
• Learn that Thanksgiving isn’t filled with puppies and rainbows and sunshine and Norman Rockwell paintings. Just embrace it for what it is: a day for you to cook endlessly and break bowls and throw your face into thousands of calories in one sitting, and I love that. 

There you have it. Instant Success. Just add water, maybe some beer.

Also, I have some pumpkin cheesecake for you.

It’s almost like pumpkin pie and a cheesecake had a baby.

It’s like tangy cream cheese and sweet pumpkin were meant to get married and live happily ever after and have more babies than the Duggars. It’s insanely easy to make and the extra special crust adds some flavor and crunch with walnuts and oats. You’ll sneak bites out of the fridge when nobody’s looking, or maybe it’s so good you won’t care if anyone can see you.

Pumpkin Cheesecake
Makes 1 9×13″ dish of deliciousness

Crust
1 sleeve, 9 graham crackers
1/2 chopped walnuts
1/2 c oats
1 stick butter, melted

Filling
12 oz cream cheese, 1 1/2 bricks*
3 eggs*
1 1/3 c brown sugar
1 T pumpkin pie spice
1 c milk, I used 1%
1 t vanilla
1 15 oz can pumpkin
*leave out on the counter for about an hour so the cream cheese can soften and eggs come to room temp, it makes the mixing a lot easier.

Preheat your oven to 425

In the bowl of a food processor, break up the graham crackers, then throw in the walnuts, oats, and sugar. Pulse a few times, without turning the crackers into powder. Pour in the butter and pulse a couple more times to combine.

Grease a 9×13″ pan and press the crust evenly into the bottom. Bake in the oven for 5 min.

While this is baking, grab a blender and throw all the filling ingredients in there. Start with a low speed for a sec, then bust it up to high until everything is combined (no giants chunks of cream cheese).

Carefully pour the mixture into the crust.

Bake at 425 for 15 min, then turn down to 350 for 25-30 min.

The center will still seem a little undercooked, but the top should be lightly browned. It’ll set fully while it cools, and it can totally be made the day ahead.

 Ohmygosh. Ohmygosh. Ohmygosh. Thanksgiving is just a few days away. Hold on to something.

Now, I know any of you that stumbled upon this through foodgawker or another food site are probably freaking out as to what to do with your turkey this year. Maybe it’s your first turkey? Maybe you’ve been cooking it for 20 years and wanna spice things up a bit. Let me just tell you one thing: SPATCHCOCK

Spatchcoking your turkey is simply removing the backbone so it can lay flat and cook in less than half the time.

Also this method makes an extremely fierce turkey:

no fussy brining: I have done this in the past and it makes a delicious turkey, but there’s usually some battle as to figure out a container big enough to brine. Who has one of these? True story: Last year I couldn’t find a container so I just bought one of those turkey cooking bags and it bust open, leaking brine grossness all over the fridge. So, don’t do that.

no questionable 4 hour cooking time: 80 min for a 14 lb bird. Done. This girl goes in and comes out in less than an hour and a half. And she looks good. plus, don’t you have a pie to bake?

no dry turkey: Dry turkey is the worst. Almost like someone took a piece of chalk and wrapped it in golden skin. and it’s somehow gritty? I wanna punch someone in the face or throw a kitten out the window just thinking about it.

Now, I know what you’re thinking:

Billy, I wanted a whole turkey that I could impress a crowd with!

Calm down Norman Rockwell. Whole turkey’s are overrated, and they aren’t fierce. Plus unless you take several necessary steps, it will probably come out dryish. And I will flip a table faster than Theresa if someone serves me a dry turkey.

also, you might be thinking:

But I wanted a whole turkey to put some stuffing in!

Well, that’s gross. and there’s a possibility you could give me food poisoning. I won’t be able to flip a table as fast that way, but I’ll make it happen. do everyone a favor and make a giant batch of stuffing an serve it in a pretty bowl, and not the tiny cavity that used to be the inside of an animal.

I discovered this awesome technique through an awesome blog, The Bitten Word, who grabbed it from Martha Stewart. You are more than welcome to go there to see some plating options or even a how to video! I’ve used this technique for the past few thanksgivings with awesome results.

Also a good source for a turkey, if you have one around, is Safeway or Vons. Fresh, never frozen all natural turkeys, for .99 a lb. It’s not organic or free range or anything of that nature, but it’s affordable and probably the next best thing.

Want Spatchcocking directions?

To Spatchcock, it’s quite simple. Slightly daunting, but simple:

Set your oven to 450

Rinse the bird, pat it dry with some paper towels. Remove all the extra goodies, flip the bird breast side down, and cut along either side of the backbone with a good pair of kitchen shears. Take this backbone and save it for some stock with the other goodies.

Flip the bird back over and with all your might, push down to break the breastplate. Splay it like it is above, and tuck the wings in so they won’t burn. Lay it out on a sheet pan and make sure nothing’s hanging over, lest you want burnt turkey bits on the bottom of your oven.

Drizzle with canola oil, or another oil with a high smoke point, and douse in salt and pepper. I had a 13 lb bird and it probably could have been in the oven for just 70 min, but it still wasn’t dry. Last year I had a 14 lb bird and it was only 80 min. Still less than the 3 1/2 hours they recommend on the package.