The semester’s almost over, just one more week, then a couple finals then it’s summer.

*cue confetti rain*

Overall it’s been a fairly mellow semester – school workload wise – but I also had one of the worst classes of my college career. You know that moment when you’re sitting in class and you go, holy crap I think I know more than this teacher!?

That happened several times.

But that class is almost over.

*cue more confetti rain*
*and make sure Mose doesn’t try to eat any of it*

I figured a good way to get through the last couple classes is speak in my Tim Gunn voice and tell my self one of the best things ever.

Thank You Tim Gunn, or T.G. as I like to call him.

I also moved this semester which added to the stress but now makes it possible to actually care about how the place looks and doing interior design on a budget. You get to hear all about it.

First stop is some inexpensive bar stools that need a little something fierce.

Just makin’ it work.
or as I’m sure my girl Nina Flowers would say:
“I am wearing beautiful pantsuits and making it Weeerrrrrrrk!”

French toast talk:
The “first date” that Steve and I went on where we ate an actual meal was breakfast.
He ordered French toast. And sausage. And orange juice.
He thinks I forget everything. This is only partially true.

I figured he would like some French toast for breakfast the other morning, so I made him some with blueberry vanilla sauce. I told him I was making him “breakfast”, used as a general term, and his first reaction was that he thought he was getting a hash that I make every once in a while.

Side note: That boy likes his meat and potatoes.

And cheese.

This plate had none of that. He said the blueberry sauce wasn’t his thing and he didn’t like the (what I thought know was very slight) lemon flavor, but that I did a good job on the French toast. I guess that was a compliment. One thing I can always count on is Steve being honest about food. If he doesn’t like it, I know. This means when I get a compliment it means a little bit more.

So now I know:
French toast – yes, as long as there’s some form of meat on the plate.
Blueberry Sauce – no. He claims it was the lemon but I feel there’s an underlying hatred for cooked whole berries. That’s the Miss Cleo in me.

I made him that second plate up there with peppered bacon and a brown butter syrup that kind of tastes like toffee.  Aaaand I included a mimosa. He ate everything, but informed me that he likes powdered sugar on his French toast.

So now I know:
French toast with not blueberry sauce, some meat, and of course, powdered sugar.

Now make some French toast:

First, let’s make the Syrup(s)

Blueberry Vanilla Sauce

2 c blueberries, fresh or frozen
1/2 c sugar,
1/3 c water
juice of half a lemon
1/2 t vanilla

Combine everything (minus vanilla) in a small saucepan, bring to a simmer, and simmer away for 15 minutes until slightly thickened and the berries have broken down. Add vanilla.

Brown Butter Syrup

1 c brown sugar
3/4 c water
1/2 t vanilla
2 T butter

Combine sugar and water in saucepan, bring to simmer, simmer for 20 minutes until slightly thickened and pour into a measuring cup or some sort of serving container. Put the butter in that empty saucepan and melt, continue to cook until it gets sliigthtly browned. Pour into the syrup with the vanilla.

Optional Add-Ins:
Just melted butter, if you aren’t confortable with browning it.
Any other extracts you feel like – maple, coconut, etc
Booze – a couple T of Malibu at the end would be amazing.

Now let’s move onto the French toast.
(Do this while the syrup’s thickening)

French toast

3 eggs
1 c milk
2 T brown sugar
1/2 t vanilla
pinch of salt
several slices of that thick cut texas toast, or some leftover French bread that you didn’t use for garlic bread.

Whip out a pie dish, it’s the best for French toast dippage.
Beat the eggs in there, then add the rest of the ingredients.

Take a small pat of butter and melt it in a large frying pan.
I like to quickly dip the bread if it’s fresh, but I’ll go slower if it’s a couple days old.
Place it in pan, and cook until lightly browned on either side.

French. Toast. Done.

Something about homemade syrup:
Maple syrup has this sort of smoky caramely quality to it. It doesn’t actually taste like the stuff the bottle claims is maple syrup. So I believe this totally customizable syrup base is perfect if you don’t feel like driving to the store at 9am in the morning or spending $10 on a bottle of syrup. Also real maple syrup is much thinner than the stick to your ribs artificial stuff.

NO CHILI FOR YOU! NEXT!

That was my soup nazi impression.

I made chili a week or so ago. I instagrammed it. I wasn’t crazy about the chili.

What I was crazy about was that little addition of the base to the new anatomy of a chili bowl.

The usual chili bowl consists of chili, some business on top and cornbread or garlic bread or warm tortillas.

I’ve recently discovered these microwavable bags of brown rice and I could high five the person that came up with that idea. I didn’t make any cornbread or garlic bread and I forgot about the tortillas. I wanted a little extra somethin’ with my chili so I cooked up a bag and divided it between a couple of bowls and topped it with chili.

It adds a nice flavor, gives you some fiber, and makes the chili stretch a little further.

It dresses it up. It makes a chili bowl. Now, you make your own.

First off, the Base: Something to throw the chili over. I went with brown rice, but some other ideas I had were another grain like quinoa, or maybe polenta? How about a little macaroni? Maybe a sort of side base of tortilla chips? baked potato? Endless possibilities.

the Chili itself: Like I said I wasn’t crazy impressed with my chili, but I rounded up some of my favorite bloggers chili for you:

Beef Chili with some awesome biscuits, via Smitten Kitchen
Spicy Vegetarian Chili, via Joy the Baker
Tyler Florence’s Ultimate Chili, not a blogger but it’s Tyler Florence, via Epicurious

CHEESE!: This is important, it goes on before the cooling agent, so if it’s a melting cheese it can melt. or else you just have shredded cheese that’s not ooey melty hanging from your chin. I used one of my favorite cheeses, cotija, but you can do whatever cheese you want. Cheddar, pepper jack or even some parmesan if you have it.

Cooling Agent: Something to take the heat down a notch. I used avocado. I could eat avocado on everything. Of course, there’s sour cream, orrrr greek yogurt is awesome. You could also use a little drizzle of honey if the spice gets up there.

Not Pictured – More business on top: I love to top off chili with some green onions or raw white onions.

Chili is one of those things that can be eaten kind of all year round. Summer BBQs and cold winter nights. Or Spring. Like right now. Make some.

I wanna know, how do you serve your chili?!

Also find me on instagram – witandvinegar. All you Android users have it now. Get on it. Show me your chili.

Hey Kids, I cooked you some vegetables made you something real classy like.

I don’t know about anyone else, but when I was a fat child/teenager, here’s how I would have told you how to make broccoli:

Step 1: Start a pot of boiling water.
Step 2: Cut up some broccoli and throw it in said pot of water.
Step 3: Cook for 20ish min. until soft, or until it has a grayish Voldemort skin quality to it.
Step 4: Eat it. With (pleasedon’tjudgemychildhood) mayonnaise.

Seriously, Step 4 always happened. But I think that’s the only way you can eat mushy gray broccoli.

Right?

Once I moved out on my own, the rare occasion that there was broccoli meant steaming it. Which is better than the boiling, but still not that much of a wow factor. and it kind of doesn’t taste awesome. It kind of tastes like steamed broccoli.

Whilst watching Barefoot Contessa one day I noticed she was roasting her broccoli. When it came out it was all crispy and slightly browned on some parts and she said it was the best way to eat broccoli.

So I made some the next night.

All my roommates questioned why the hell I was “baking” my broccoli. I honestly had no answer, except Ina told me to. They wouldn’t understand.

When it came out of the oven 12 minutes later I immediately picked up a piece, probably with my hands, and scarfed it down. Then I ate another piece. And several more. Before I knew it I had almost eaten the entire pan. We’re talking a full head of broccoli that would have probably taken a half jar of mayonnaise to eat if it was boiled.

You’re probably wondering, “why did he do this?” Well it partakes a sort of magical quality.  It’s almost al dente, like pasta. It has a slight crispiness where it was touching the pan, and it turns out almost nutty in flavor. I don’t know how it happens. And why I had only just discovered it. And why I had eaten almost the entire pan.

You know in Pretty Woman when Richard Gere takes prostitute Julia Roberts and turns her into a classy not prostitute lady? That’s what roasting does for your vegetables. It turns them into a classy not prostitute.*

What’s that? Vegetables as in more than broccoli? Asparagus was another boiled til gray and stringy and cover in mayo vegetable growing up. But it can turn out just as amazing as that broccoli after just a few minutes in the oven. Mushrooms also work. They sort of have a melted not rubbery quality to them. I’m almost convinced that any vegetable that you’d steam or pan fry or Godforbid boil can be roasted until perfection.

Now, a quick recap of why you should roast your vegetables.

• Boiling makes your vegetables gray and possibly stringy and you lose a ton of nutrients into the water — hence the grayness. Think Voldemort Face.
• Steaming is boring and plain and slightly flavorless unless you pile on salt or butter or the cheese sauce some of those steam in bag methods contain. Think blonde wig prostitute Julia Roberts.
• Roasting makes your vegetables classy like a not prostitute. Think Julia Roberts post Richard Gere when she’s in those amazing early 90s shorts by the pool with her friend that’s still a prostitute.

So how does the magic happen?

Preheat your oven to 425.

Chop up your broccoli or cauliflower, or leave your asparagus trimmed. place in single layer, no dogpile business, on a large baking sheet.

Lightly (like 2 T max per baking sheet lightly) oil your veggies with Olive or Canola oil.

Sprinkle with salt and pepper,

Optional: sprinkle over some garlic or onion powder or a couple cloves of minced garlic.

Toss to make sure everyone’s coated properly and roast for 12 min, or until veggies are done. 12 seems to be my magic number. If you’re cooking mushrooms, cooking time will probably increase to 15 to 20 min, until softened. Tossing halfway through. Don’t touch the broccoli or other 12 min vegetables. They’re supposed to get a little browned.

Also, quick shout out to yummly.com! They featured me the other day in a hummus roundup for my cilantro lime hummus, that was already the most popular post on here and now is even extra most popular.

*Photoshopped Movie Poster to come.

Yesterday was Steve’s birthday. Which means I made a red velvet cake and hid it in our silverware drawer to surprise him.

I do what I can.

You know the SNL Kristen Wiig Character, Sue? (seriously one of the best things, ever.) I’m kind of like her when it comes to surprises. Except without the clenched hips and over-sized Cosby sweaters.

For whatever reason he had no reason to get a form of eating utensil (for his pizza) so I was up against the kitchen wall trying not to giggle and scream out “Baked good, drawer, grab a spoon, what?, happy birthday!” in that exact Sue fashion.

After about a minute the word vomit happened and “you should really check in that silverware drawer for your birthday surprise” just slipped right out.

And he found it and I yelled “surprise!” and with composed dignity, shoved cake in my face.

The cake was just a tad dry, probably from over baking, so I’m not going to post that quite yet. But I do have some amazing fluffy cream cheese frosting for you. You don’t need cake to eat it. You can smear it on banana bread, or pumpkin bread, or eat it with a spoon. Any of this can accompany any number of episodes of RuPaul’s Drag Race. (seriously another one of the best things, ever) 

In case none of that excites your excited bone, follow these steps:
-This weekend, make a red velvet, carrot (minus the streusel), lemon, or chocolate cake.
-Frost it with this fluffy goodness.
-Hide it in someone’s silverware drawer.
-Try to not tell them about it before they actually find it.
-When they do, yell suprise! and throw some confetti at them.

Come throw some confetti at me on Instagram, Pinterest and Facebook.

Cream Cheese Frosting
sliiightly adapted from Smitten Kitchen
side note: that is not the red velvet cake recipe I used

1 stick of butter, very much softened
8 oz cream cheese, very much softened
3 c powdered sugar
2 t vanilla extract

Beat cream cheese and butter for a couple of min until fluffy (I used the whisk attachment for my stand mixer) and sift in the powdered sugar and add the vanilla, beat for about 30 sec until combined.

It is VERY IMPORTANT that you have room temp, softened butter and cream cheese and that you sift your powdered sugar. This is insurance for a smooth, fluffy frosting.

I halved this recipe and it was barely enough to frost the top of a 9×13″ cake so this full recipe should be used if there’s any layering going on.

I’m having a slight obsession with multiplied boxes of color over images with shapes removed.
A few examples from my small batch of Instagram photos, including backyard orphan succulents and my whorish dog.

It adds a little excitement, even if the photo’s already exciting + it’s a lot of fun to play around with it on black and white images + you should even try the opposite and just have shapes multiplied shapes over the images.

Also, Holy Facelift Batman!! It’s not Janice Dickinson boobies to my eyelids facelift status, but close enough with that new header/logo and a picture of me doing my Tom Haverford and a post with something else besides food.

Baby steps/leaps/back flips.

Not to be confused with that lady’s case of the babyhand above.