Oh, hello there, it’s been a while. Like a really long while. I haven’t posted because I’ve been so busy lounging around with no pants on eating nachos.
FALSE.
Short story: school and creative rut, the end. Just life happening, it’s all good. Besides that novel there were a few really great things happening:
Labor day brunch with my gurls Anna and Jen. I haven’t seen either one in what feels like forever and it was so good to just eat carbs and catch up.
A few weeks ago Steve and I went down to SF and I got to hang/eat dinner/shit shoot with my gurl Tracy. We had an awesome talk with good falafel then we walked around this crazy grocery store. It looked like this:
Tracy’s super awesome.
The other great thing involves the Joy the Baker Podcast and Mariah Carey. And a darechallenge. No big deal, I just SANG MARIAH CAREY’S FANTASY FOR EVERYONE’S EARS. Listen/don’t listen. But listen, and look for my photoshopping in the show notes.
Now that I’ve read you several short stories, we can slam down this grocery list:
Let me just start out by saying this post is brought to you by the event of Mose’s birthday. He just turned 5 which means he is really 35 in dog years which means he should have already learned how to start picking up his own shit. Even though he doesn’t know how to do that I still love him an incredible amount. He’s just that fabulous.
I’ve never actually gone out of my way to make Mose any treats myself because I don’t do terribly well with rolling things out then cutting them then getting them to the tray and having them look remotely close to the shape of the cookie cutter. Also, for Mose a treat is like half a pancake or a chunk of french bread. That kid is addicted to carbs. HE IS MY DOG.
I saw these over on Megan’s blog forever ago and bookmarked them. I’m trying to kick myself for not making them sooner.
The thing I love about these treats is that they come together in about 5 min and we’re experiencing somewhat of a heat wave so I like to think that these cool him off. Even though he lets the whole thing sit in his mouth for about 6 seconds then swallows it whole because apparently he hasn’t learned what teeth are for.
These are made with just a few ingredients you probably already have in your kitchen and there’s nothing super weird so if you wanted to, I don’t know, eat one, you totally could.
Did I eat one? Yes, I was curious. They actually taste like a peanut butter moo’d shake from Jamba Juice, so there.
Can we just pretend I had these up last week and all of our dogs got to celebrate popsicle week with us? Yes? Okay, cool. Dogs need voom voom shebang too.
This whole thing started when I made some lime curd the other day to post on here and was trying to figure out something to accompany it. All I could figure out was a gif of a spoonful of it going towards my face. That wouldn’t make any sense plus there would forever be a gif of me eating on the internet.
Many suggestions were crumpets but I’m going to assume that the farroless cavehole of a town that I live in has zero crumpets. The other suggestion was plain toast but I was like, avocado’s gonna be pissed if it finds out it was swapped out for some curd. Other options were pancakes and ice cream. Now you know I was considering pancake sundae with lime curd but I had to shut that down real quick before it got too crazy.
Then I remembered Deb over at Smitten Kitchen posted a coconut bread a while ago and I thought: Lime meet coconut, be friends, high five.
The original recipe is a loaf of bread. But it takes like an hour to cook and my oven hates baking things that long before it decides to be an ass and make whatever it is dried up after 45 minutes. I settled for little bebes aka muffins aka hello 25 minute bake time. And it worked. Voom voom shebang.
The muffins aren’t too sweet, not carazy coconutty, more dense than a cupcake, and just kind of a perfect palette for a nice slather of curd. or butter. or the salted honey brown butter spread witchcraft Deb has on her site. But seriously, make this curd and put it on everything.
Let me fill you in on citrus curd. The name rhymes with turd and makes no sense the end. It should be called lemon butter or maybe even custard. Go ahead and scoop out some filling from lemon meringue pie and you’ve pretty much got lemon curd. Bright and tangy and sweet and creamy all at once. It’s serious magic. You can put it on whatever carb you want or put it in a donut. Please someone put it in a donut, Amen.
I do have to tell you that there are a few methods out there for making the magic happen. I tried a few different recipes and David Lebovitz’ was by far the easiest and the best tasting. All you do is whisk. then strain. then devour. then repeat. Total baby nonsense if babies were allowed to use the stove.
Why you gotta be going by so fast?! Slow down, gurl.
Seriously, it’s already AUGUST. My final semester of college starts back up in a few weeks and I don’t want it to. I just want Oprah to walk into class the first day back and yell YOU DON’T HAVE TO BE HERE, AND YOU DON’T HAVE TO BE HERE, AND YOU DON’T HAVE TO BE HERE and have one of those people she yells at be me. And then I’ll scream and cry and collapse on the floor and have someone drag my body out of the classroom. I’m gonna have to The Secret that.
Until that event changes my life I’ve got three weeks to watch a bunch of The Hills noshame, Get POPSICLE WEEK happening, and a head down to SF to see family, new freeeends, and get my shop on. If you want in on that popsicle action go ahead and shoot me an email. Let’s make it happen.
Until summer’s over though, let’s just grocery list.
Tracy went and made some popcorn. Then threw some coconut and coconut oil in there like it was nobody’s business and somehow convinced me I need a whirly pop. (via Shutterbean)
Everyone’s all like, what do I do with all these peaches? and Nicole’s like grill ’em and smother them in sea salt bourbon caramel like nobody’s watching. I added that last part. It’s how I do. (via Dula Notes)
Last but not least is Joy’s attempt to get me to make candy and curse in the kitchen even more. I like your style gurl, but we already know that. (via Joy the Baker)
For music this week we’re gonna blast some Justin Timberlake aka J-Swag aka JT Pantydropper. This is one of the bonus tracks off his current album if you buy the deluxe version. Did I buy the deluxe? Obvs not or I would have showed this song to you guys earlier. Pandora showed it to me so It’s been on my Spotify playlist playing alternately between like 9 Mariah Carey Songs. This is that song that you dance and sing to while grilling so you can terrify the cat or dog you’re singing to. I have a human I can sing to, but he prefers some Robyn or Kylie.
Population: You. And this quick bread. And like, a bunch of pasta and donuts and pancakes.
Now I know you’re all like, “I can’t stay for very long, I’ve got to fit into my onsie mesh thong bikini.” And I’m all like, “how very Miss Phaedra of you, but you really have to stay and make this bread because it’s worthy of some snaps. snap snap snap, z formation.”
Let’s just talk about this bread: My gurl Tracy over at Shutterbean made it a while ago and I made it almost immediately with jalapeños and then ate it all in like an hour so it never made it here. The end.
I made it again for you guys for a few reasons: It’s insanely easy, it tastes good, and it can fill in for other carbs. Need something with your chili? Boom. Need a partner for your soup? Boom. Need to spice up your avocado toast game? Voom Voom Shebang.
After I made it today I tried to figure out what else I could do with it besides toast and then this happened:
Aww Yeahh. Part crouton, part goldfish cracker, part jalapeno kick.
Now you can spice crunch up your soups, your salads, your snack attack!
The final great thing about this bread is that it’s really customizable. I used cheddar and jalapeños but the possibilities are endless with all the cheeses out there. I’m feeling a parmesan and roasted garlic number or Tracy tweet suggested some feta and sun dried tomato business. Did somebody say taco seasoning? I don’t know, it wasn’t me.
Also whatever you do, don’t take this bread from Carb City to Flavortown. I think we all know what happens there #pinkieringz4everyone:
So, I was supposed to have this up Friday morning and then something happened. It starts with O and rhymes with Orange is the New Black. Seriously, that show. It’s so good. It reminds me a lot of weeds, but it’s still good because it hasn’t gone on for several seasons. It’s all on Netflix, and each episode is about an hour long so this happened several nights:
Me: I think it’s time for bed. What time is it, like 12:30?
Steve: It’s 3 am.
Me: Crap.
And that’s why it’s Sunday and I’m just getting this to you. We finished the final episode last night, I can’t wait for season 2, so there will be no more interruptions unless my watching of The Hills starts to get really intense. Newsflash: it won’t. I know what Kristin Cavallari looks like when she’s yelling and I think the Jäger guzzling playmate is gone for good. Take those judgmental eyes and turn them towards someone else.
First up on this weeks grocery list is Shauna with a LEMON MERINGUE PIE SUNDAE. You guys that’s like, my favorite pie, piled on top of ice cream. Naturally, I screamed at my computer. (via Piece of Cake)
Even though I scream for ice cream, and pancakes, I love me a giant salad. Cindy made everyone an asian slaw steak salad that promises to punch you in the face. Obviously I want in on that. (via Hungry Girl Por Vida)
Izy threw down some No-Churn Pistachio, Mint + Olive Oil Fudge Brownie Ice Cream like it’s going out of style. I mean, all those flavors in my face? I wouldn’t even know how to react. I would most likely throw one of the ice cream cones against the wall in excitement then devour the rest. (via Top with Cinnamon)
Stephanie whipped up some Thai shrimp fried rice that I’m afraid to tell Steve about or else we might be eating it every day of the week. (via Girl Versus Dough)
Speaking of popsicles, popsicle week is coming In a few weeks!! Get ready.
For the music this week we’re funking it up with some newish Janelle Monàe for two reasons. The song, with drag queen references, and the more than on point styling. MTV True Life: I would wear all that if I were a woman.
